mourning | celebrating

When I initially signed on to do my PhD, one of the things I most wanted to do was include a survey in the project. I’ve been almost exclusively trained as a qualitative researcher but felt, and continue to feel, that it’s important to learn new skills, skills that might actually help position me as a social scientist that someone might one day want to hire – what a thought! The real value of the method to the actual project was always going to be limited, but hey, you can’t let one conceptual question dictate everything.

But, today I reached a point where I actually had to acknowledge that the survey would not only have almost no benefit to my broader study, but that the emotional and financial costs mean that its probably not worth it. Over the last few days, since some #RealTalk from my supervisor, tears have been shed; pros and cons lists created, scrapped, more honestly recreated; a detailed flow chart of ‘to do if’ drawn up. But the reality is, you don’t need to be bound to your initial research plans. Especially if you’re not tied up in specific fundings terms and conditions, which I’m not, and if, as the initial research starts to come in, it becomes clearer that something different is required. If you want to be a good researcher, you have to respond to what you find along the way and acknowledge when your best laid plans are actually not going to work.

Wholly scrapping the plans for the survey and rethinking the project, how to move forward etc., will take a few days – there are several to do lists, timelines, and goals which need to be recreated – but deciding that it’s something which needs to be done has actually left me feeling quite liberated. It’s left some space for new ideas and plans. Space which will soon be filled with new stresses. But new stresses which will hopefully be more satisfying and productive to explore.